Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
