Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
