Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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