Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
