I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
