I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
