you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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