Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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