What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
