She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found the puke drawer
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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