tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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