just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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