you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's get the cat blown out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
