I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
