If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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