btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Congratulations! We have a period
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
