like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
pray to the hookup gods
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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