Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
