Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
