do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
