My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize