I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
