Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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