I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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