Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
