ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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