we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My cat gives me a boner
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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