I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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