Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
