That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
