Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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