I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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