i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
