In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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