I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize