I murdered the dance floor call the cops
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
