just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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