Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
