I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
