god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
