you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
