Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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