Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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