I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
