it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize