I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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