i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
