..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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