your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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