i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
