Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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