i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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