Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
