Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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