be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
