What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
