ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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