i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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