we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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