Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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