that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All the doctor said was why
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
