He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
