O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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