Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
