I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize